Vegetarian, vegan, cannibal--Lenoir has something for everyone.

Sounds like an interesting episode of Iron Chef.

No, it is not. Try here.

Esta tarjeta está en Español cuando usted no la está mirando. Spanglish brought to you by Babel Fish.

A little sleight-of-hand is all that's needed to make this noseless girl happy.

Self-Esteem problems? This little beaver says, "Buck up!"

This actually says "lens" and is a South Park reference--or just a coincidence?

This was penned by former US Poet Laureate Louise Gluck after visiting campus. Thank you, Louise!

It's the clorox.

I guess this needs some explanation.

Some people just don't like a little adventure every now and then.

Then you've come to the right place, my friend.

Overzealous Fandom, vol. 4: Can you feel the love?

To this response, CDS Manager Jeff attached a spreadsheet entitled, "Daily Toothpick Consumption: Third Quarter of the Fiscal Year." His opponent was crushed by the weight of his evidence.

This says, "I <3 COOKIES, WAFFLES, & YOUR MOM." I say that's fine, just stay away from my waffle.

But how will you get your daily dose of screw?

I looked up "mushroom" on Google and this was the first thing that came up.

Kekhup?

Three cheers for hushpuppies!

At least it's not a loud tear.

Happy Hour at Lenoir is from 2:00-4:00 pm.

Future Fatties unite.

Awkward Confrontations, vol. 7: What I wouldn't do for a waffle right now.

Why would you go through all the trouble of bringing your own stapler to staple this to the board of responses and not try at all to disguise your handwriting so it's not obvious that you're responding to yourself?

This was before wraps started being offered at the smoothie station.

This patron is pleased to be getting his roughage.

How rad is chicken chili? Rad to THE MAX!

TOL Update

I know it's been a while--I decided a week or so ago that the whole idea behind this website is asinine and I had better things to do, like racing mini-pumpkins down the dorm hallway. That was, you see, until I saw that yesterday the TOL blog had 350 individual hits.

I've never had that many people pay attention to anything I did in my entire life. (Except that one time with the cow-tipping mishap in Iron Station and you know, I can't talk about that--court order.)

Anyway, here's a small update and I apologize to those who wrote these hoping to get them answered quickly--they'll be going back to Lenoir first thing tomorrow.

Also, I added a guestbook which can be accessed by the sidebar. This way, you can comment on the entire site as well as each individual comment card--I know you're out there and I know you want to tell me how a.) brilliant or b.) idiotic I am.

Lenoir rulz 666!!!!1

Kerry '04: A salt shaker on every table.

I like this one because it's not necessarily that it was a Lenoir employee that fished the utensils out of the trash--it was just somebody, and this patron wants you to know she's a little grossed out by it.

This patron, while quite obviously pleased, reminds TOL not to mislabel the Clorox pie.

Me want grammar.

Awkward Confrontations, vol. 6: This customer cuts right to the chase.

Top of Lenoir: Providing hope for the disillusioned since a pretty long time ago.

List Girl, vol. 1: Here starts a new theme: "List Girl." Believe me--she'll show up again.

Don't eat the gray, bony chicken.

A near-sighted patron makes a request.

This is probably the scariest picture ever:



Gollum is copyrighted by somebody or other. Don't sue me.

Nothing worse than a harsh breathe.

Smoothie Lady--the arch-nemesis of Top of Lenoir Man.

Wednesday is Bacon Day at Top of Lenoir.

My guess is that the two words scratched out here were the beginning of the sentence, "If you're too lazy to write out the word 'sad,' you're probably not going to really get anywhere in life."

Lavese las manos, por favor.

It makes you wonder: Why do you pay thousands of dollars per semester to go to a school where students are commended for knowing that toast is made from bread?

Obesity is one of the principle health concerns of Americans today.

ROTFLMAO SMOOTHIES LOL!!!!1

Orange Zinger? I hardly even know 'er!

Feta cheese in chili sounds really gross.

Awkward Confrontations, vol. 5: This patron asks the hard questions. Why is the World's Fare station closed? What in the name of sweet bloody Lucifer is chili fried popcorn?

The power of parenthetical statements.

Check out the one-eyed egg creature.

Yes? Yes? Yes!

Those three small words every girl wants to hear: "Turkey Bacon, Please!"

Another patron weighs in on the great bacon debate.

Lenoir's quality and service have attracted visitors from as far away as the Great White North.

The irony is that this is written in pen.

Awkward Confrontations, vol. 4: Lenoir tries to pull the wool over the eyes of a discerning patron.

Listen. I know some of these are hard to read. If you click on the picture, you'll be able to see each comment card full-size. So don't complain.

Existential Questions, vol. 2: This reads, "In the debate between Levi-Strauss and Sartre, who was actually right?"

Wikipedia, on the debate: "On the one hand, Sartre's existentialist philosophy committed him to a position that human beings were fundamentally free to act as they pleased. On the other hand, Sartre was also a leftist who was committed to the idea that, for instance, individuals were constrained by the ideologies imposed on them by the powerful." So, the answer is: Neither of them because that's boring.

Oh yeah. Her smoothie. That's right. You know it. Wink wink.

This says, "How about some manicotti?"

Awkward Confrontations, vol. 3: This reads, "Manager should treat employees in a more personal manor (sic), and not in public! Personally witnessed a manager come down on an employee for not restocking chips, then he goes and leans against a counter!!!"

Shit. He leaned on a counter.

I like this one because it's a collaborative effort: One makes an asinine question, one gives an incoherent answer, and another questions the meaning of it all. Yes. I think we all will red wine vinegar.

Really Terrible puns, vol. 1: This reads, "Either fix the Trix shortage or move to #1 on my 'Death List.' Love, BeaTRIX Kiddo.

This says, "How can I be expected to make it happen without my Cap'n? I can't!" Which begs the question: make what?

You don't really need to read this. It says "Pepse" instead of "Pepsi." My roommate is easily amused.

I actually looked this up. The company that owns Lipton Tea (served at the Top of Lenoir) is Unilever Foods, based out of London and Rotterdam. Its US headquarters are in London. So, it's worse than we thought--not only is the tea made by Yankees, but Europeans to boot.

One patron challenges Chapel Hill's underlying communist philosophy.